Blue Sunday!

Today, another bad news hit me! This time, it was real hard.

First of all, I found that I was in deep financial difficulty. This difficulty was due to the fact that I had made wrong decisions by lending money to someone who told me that he could pay two months ago with interest. But in the end, he could not even pay for the phone bills under my line account. I feel very stupid. Why do I have to keep paying bills and loans for others Lord? Now, I am strapped financially. Please show me what I can do.

Then I received a text message this morning that one of the elderly beneficiaries had passed away. Last week, I thought of going to visit him. But when I heard that he was still in Kwong Wai Shiu hospital, recuperating. I thought that since he was recuperating there, maybe I should go to visit him another day. Bad decision. If I had called his sister last week, I would have find out that he was transfered to Tan Tock Seng Hospital under emergency treatment. Then I could have canceled my appointments and rush to see him. Even though I could not do much if I visited him, at least there was some emotional support to let him know that the battle was not alone. I really don't understand why God took him away. He was having tonsil cancel and the doctor had said that with chemotherapy, he would recover very fast. However, he had finished his treatment in early May. He was supposed to stay in Kwong Wai Shiu hospital for only one week after that. It was only in the early stage. How come God took him away? Is this a better solution?

Lord, there are questions in my mind right now that I don't understand. I wish that I can be more sensitive to Your spirit. When You says go, I should have followed. Lord, will I continue to be so laxed in handling the visitation that I will regret my decision later? Lord, why do I leave him alone when I have the chance to minister to him and his sister? Lord, please show me how I can handle such situation. Lord, tell me what to do? Why am I so softhearted when people tell me their problems and the first thing I know is to offer them help without having second thoughts? Why am I in desperate situation when You said that this year would be a year of prosperity? Why? Lord, please answer me and help me to understand in Jesus' name.