Dear God
Yesterday, my supervisor and I had our first session of supervision. I told him what I had been feeling after each outreach programme and he said that it was time for him to have a debrief after each outreach.
Then the bomb came. He mentioned that I had a weak spiritual life. That could lead me not being able to see, feel or speak correctly. He cited so many incidences and told me that it was better to show grace to the elderly that we served rather than belittled them. I thought about this since yesterday and decided to search in Youtube the worship songs that I could relate to in this suitation. I still feel bad inside me. I want to have a better spiritual life. I know that I am not perfect Lord. Sometimes, I just feel that certain things can be done simplier but people complicate things.
I do not know why I am always the one being misunderstood. Maybe my spiritual life is really in a mess. Lord, thank you that You love me despite the mess. Help me to improve in my spiritual life. Help me to listen to You once again ever so dearly.
Here I am with all I have. I raise my hands to worship You. I want to say Thank You for who You are and how You have touched me. I pray that You can help me to have a deeper walk with You.
Nothing beats spending time with You Lord. Keep me in Your arms.
In Jesus' Name, I give thanks and commit myself to You, Amen.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 09, 2010
Disappointed!!!!
Today, bro and I went to buy a new vaccum cleaner. Well, the reason for buying this item is because I find that our house is getting dirtier and dirtier each day and no matter how we try to clean the dust, it just seems impossible. What is more frustrating is that after 5 minutes of sweeping the floor, I just find the floor very dusty. Maybe it is due to the construction of the circle line.
After buying the cleaner, when dad asked how much the item was, I told him that it was $799 and immediately he flared up. He said that he was so worried about his medical fee of $50 this month and yet I could spend so much money on a household item.
I find this very ridiculous and disappointed. When my family members have money, all they think of is themselves. They use the money for their own pleasure and when things in the house break down, they all turn to me and begin nagging at me when I tell me that I do not have money. Then when I buy something a bit more expensive for the family, they again say that I waste money on unnecessary things. How about them? When they have money, they can spend on cigarettes, alcohol, jewelleries, musical instruments, clothes, shoes, etc. Not that their clothes are torn or their shoes have spoilt. Then when I buy clothes or shoes once in a blue moon, I am being told that I am spending unwisely. Lord, I commit this kind of situation to You. I am really very tired and find it very ...........
After buying the cleaner, when dad asked how much the item was, I told him that it was $799 and immediately he flared up. He said that he was so worried about his medical fee of $50 this month and yet I could spend so much money on a household item.
I find this very ridiculous and disappointed. When my family members have money, all they think of is themselves. They use the money for their own pleasure and when things in the house break down, they all turn to me and begin nagging at me when I tell me that I do not have money. Then when I buy something a bit more expensive for the family, they again say that I waste money on unnecessary things. How about them? When they have money, they can spend on cigarettes, alcohol, jewelleries, musical instruments, clothes, shoes, etc. Not that their clothes are torn or their shoes have spoilt. Then when I buy clothes or shoes once in a blue moon, I am being told that I am spending unwisely. Lord, I commit this kind of situation to You. I am really very tired and find it very ...........
Friday, August 06, 2010
Movie 1: The Room by Media Evangelism
On Thursday, I spent the most of my time watching 2 movies from Media Evangelism.
The first is called The Room. It talks about the spiritual room that each of us has. In this spiritual room, it holds very intimate things which an individual does not share with anyone. It is a room where only that individual can access to. At the start of the movie, it showed a senior social worker persuading a teacher not to commit suicide. Everyone really envied the social worker's courage by stepping on broken glasses to prove that she understood what the teacher went through.
Then the different deadlines, the different expectations that the social worker had to face, the different negative comments by friends and colleagues and ultimately, the suicide of that teacher whom she had rescued previously took a toll on her. She began to withdraw herself more and more to this little spiritual room that she had. Even her boyfriend could not get to her. Slowly, she began to have the symptoms of a depressed person. She began to lose her sleep, she had no interest in doing things that she used to like and she began to shun people, even her boyfriend. Then one day, she decided to commit suicide. As she was standing at the ledge, she called the Life Line hotline. The counselor who took her call happened to be the one who witnessed how she rescued the teacher previously and found her courage commendable. As the counselor began to listen to the inner voices of God telling her what to do, she began to share with the social worker that God still loves us no matter what the past was like. Even though there were many tears in this world, we could still embrace it because we had God with us. At that, the social worker began to experience a peace that she never experienced in her heart before. She decided not to end her life because she believed that with God, she could live each day and embrace life bravely.
When I saw this movie, a few lessons came to mind.
1) Very often, we find people say that being a counselor/social worker/psychologist, when we face obstacles, we know how to solve it ourselves. We will not be depressed or suffer any depression. However, being in this line of work, it will have more stress that nobody can understand. As the client/beneficiary begins to tell you of their sad stories/problems, you will begin to think how to help them. Sometimes, you will feel discourage when things do not go the right way and questions begin to envelope. But what we need to remember is this: we must not let other people's problems become our problems. Easier said than done, but we can do it with God's help. We can pray to God about it, we can discuss with our seniors in this area. Sometimes, some psychologists, social workers and counselors are so prideful that they refuse to let anyone know what they are going through. In the end, they become depressed.
2) Each of us has a spiritual room. We will open this room and enter into it whenever we like. Most of the people enter the room without being able to exit from it. This cause them to have depression. It is like going around in circles and find that there is nothing you can do about the 'problems/issues' in life. But always remember that God is in control. What we cannot do, He can give us the strength to do.
3) Like the counselor when she was in training, she thought that she knew how to listen with her ears. However, she was too impatient. When the instructor asked the students to close their eyes and began to listen to their own voices, she had problem staying for long. We are like the counselor at times. We tell God that we know this area of expertise; it is simple and everyone can follow. However, when we really try, we find that we have a hard time listening to Him. Like what the instructor said, we must learn to listen to God in the morning to start our day, to listen to what others are saying in the afternoon and to listen to our inner voices in the evening. This will then teach us how to listen attentively.
May God help me to do so with discipline.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
The first is called The Room. It talks about the spiritual room that each of us has. In this spiritual room, it holds very intimate things which an individual does not share with anyone. It is a room where only that individual can access to. At the start of the movie, it showed a senior social worker persuading a teacher not to commit suicide. Everyone really envied the social worker's courage by stepping on broken glasses to prove that she understood what the teacher went through.
Then the different deadlines, the different expectations that the social worker had to face, the different negative comments by friends and colleagues and ultimately, the suicide of that teacher whom she had rescued previously took a toll on her. She began to withdraw herself more and more to this little spiritual room that she had. Even her boyfriend could not get to her. Slowly, she began to have the symptoms of a depressed person. She began to lose her sleep, she had no interest in doing things that she used to like and she began to shun people, even her boyfriend. Then one day, she decided to commit suicide. As she was standing at the ledge, she called the Life Line hotline. The counselor who took her call happened to be the one who witnessed how she rescued the teacher previously and found her courage commendable. As the counselor began to listen to the inner voices of God telling her what to do, she began to share with the social worker that God still loves us no matter what the past was like. Even though there were many tears in this world, we could still embrace it because we had God with us. At that, the social worker began to experience a peace that she never experienced in her heart before. She decided not to end her life because she believed that with God, she could live each day and embrace life bravely.
When I saw this movie, a few lessons came to mind.
1) Very often, we find people say that being a counselor/social worker/psychologist, when we face obstacles, we know how to solve it ourselves. We will not be depressed or suffer any depression. However, being in this line of work, it will have more stress that nobody can understand. As the client/beneficiary begins to tell you of their sad stories/problems, you will begin to think how to help them. Sometimes, you will feel discourage when things do not go the right way and questions begin to envelope. But what we need to remember is this: we must not let other people's problems become our problems. Easier said than done, but we can do it with God's help. We can pray to God about it, we can discuss with our seniors in this area. Sometimes, some psychologists, social workers and counselors are so prideful that they refuse to let anyone know what they are going through. In the end, they become depressed.
2) Each of us has a spiritual room. We will open this room and enter into it whenever we like. Most of the people enter the room without being able to exit from it. This cause them to have depression. It is like going around in circles and find that there is nothing you can do about the 'problems/issues' in life. But always remember that God is in control. What we cannot do, He can give us the strength to do.
3) Like the counselor when she was in training, she thought that she knew how to listen with her ears. However, she was too impatient. When the instructor asked the students to close their eyes and began to listen to their own voices, she had problem staying for long. We are like the counselor at times. We tell God that we know this area of expertise; it is simple and everyone can follow. However, when we really try, we find that we have a hard time listening to Him. Like what the instructor said, we must learn to listen to God in the morning to start our day, to listen to what others are saying in the afternoon and to listen to our inner voices in the evening. This will then teach us how to listen attentively.
May God help me to do so with discipline.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
What a day!
These past 2 weeks have been quite challenging for me.
First of all, I was quite sick last week. Suddenly, I experienced needle-piercing pain into my heart when I was travelling in a bus back home. Then 2 days later, I could not really breath. It was like something heavy was put on top of my chest.
This week, I thought of going to the morning prayers. But the whole early morning of Monday, I was dreaming of fighting demons and casting them out in Jesus' name. What a funny dream I thought! But then, I began to question and ask God to show me light. What was the dream supposed to be? Are You telling me that it was my gift to drive out demons Lord? Questions seemed unanswered but I will not give up asking. These few days, I have been asking God to show me what my gifting is so that I can use it for the extension of His Kingdom. So maybe, this is the answer from Him. I do not know.
Today, I went to visit one elderly couple and again, kana 'scolded' by this elderly uncle that I 'shouted' at him during one of his visits to the centre and that my actions showed that I did not give him face. When I tried to explain, he refused to listen. Then his wife tried to mediate and told me to apologise to him. So I did. Then he told me to change my hot temper. His wife told me to just agree to what he said. She just smiled when he told her not to accept anything from me. But then, he slowly mellowed down when I told him that I would change my temper and offered my hand to shake his. He was then abit pai seh. So his wife shoke my hand instead.
Sometimes, I wonder why such incident happened. People misunderstood what I said or felt that I never showed them any respect. I just want to make rapport with them. It seems so difficult at times to really make them understand my actions. Lord, may You show me how. I am really tired. Let all unspiritual things be dismissed from me. Let any curses that others put on me be broken down in Jesus' name, that it would not have any effect on me. Let my health be restored and that I will not take any more MCs or urgent leave. Let my urgent leave be really urgent Lord. Grant me strength for each day. Also, Lord, as I go through each day's activities, help me to enjoy what You have prepared for me and not be agitated when things go awry or not according to what was planned. May Your presence be with me and teach me along the way. In Jesus' name I commit myself to You, Amen.
First of all, I was quite sick last week. Suddenly, I experienced needle-piercing pain into my heart when I was travelling in a bus back home. Then 2 days later, I could not really breath. It was like something heavy was put on top of my chest.
This week, I thought of going to the morning prayers. But the whole early morning of Monday, I was dreaming of fighting demons and casting them out in Jesus' name. What a funny dream I thought! But then, I began to question and ask God to show me light. What was the dream supposed to be? Are You telling me that it was my gift to drive out demons Lord? Questions seemed unanswered but I will not give up asking. These few days, I have been asking God to show me what my gifting is so that I can use it for the extension of His Kingdom. So maybe, this is the answer from Him. I do not know.
Today, I went to visit one elderly couple and again, kana 'scolded' by this elderly uncle that I 'shouted' at him during one of his visits to the centre and that my actions showed that I did not give him face. When I tried to explain, he refused to listen. Then his wife tried to mediate and told me to apologise to him. So I did. Then he told me to change my hot temper. His wife told me to just agree to what he said. She just smiled when he told her not to accept anything from me. But then, he slowly mellowed down when I told him that I would change my temper and offered my hand to shake his. He was then abit pai seh. So his wife shoke my hand instead.
Sometimes, I wonder why such incident happened. People misunderstood what I said or felt that I never showed them any respect. I just want to make rapport with them. It seems so difficult at times to really make them understand my actions. Lord, may You show me how. I am really tired. Let all unspiritual things be dismissed from me. Let any curses that others put on me be broken down in Jesus' name, that it would not have any effect on me. Let my health be restored and that I will not take any more MCs or urgent leave. Let my urgent leave be really urgent Lord. Grant me strength for each day. Also, Lord, as I go through each day's activities, help me to enjoy what You have prepared for me and not be agitated when things go awry or not according to what was planned. May Your presence be with me and teach me along the way. In Jesus' name I commit myself to You, Amen.
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