It's been quite some time now since I last wrote in here. Well, some unpleasant things have happened. At the same time, some wonderful things have been happening too!
Let's talk about unhappy things first. Things that really nearly killed me. Since last year, I was suddenly being put under a supervisor who liked to micro-supervise her subordinates. It seemed that everything I did was not up to her expectations. In fact, she said that I was too stubborn not to look to others for help. Well, what happened was this.
After attending Life Conference 2006, I went back office to find that there were so many things to be done. Office incoming and outgoing mails were not sorted for three days, no one keyed in the corporate ids for new companies created, my phonemail was full of messages asking why the corporate ids were not created, etc. So after some time to clear the backlog, my supervisor kept asking me questions about the things that I did, why I was so slow in doing my tasks. Realizing that the year end was approaching and I still have so many tasks to clear, I requested from my Head of Department (HOD) for a temporary staff. He told me to discuss this with my supervisor. So I did two days later. My supervisor requested that I listed down what I was doing and the man-hours needed to do each task. On that day itself, I did as I was told. However, there was no reply from either my supervisor or HOD.
Then came the year end mad rush. Every thing was last minute. So the whole team had to help out. Of course, the team members were not happy as they felt that that was my job. By the time we had finished what was supposed to do, it was time for reports and final contests results to be out for the financial year. In one of the contests results that I did, I was being questioned by my supervisor why the figures did not tally for one of the insurance agency force. I was quite puzzled what she meant. Then upon probing, I told her that another supervisor in another section had told me to do that method. But guess what! That supervisor denied that she ever told me to do that method. As there was no written proof, I was made to bear the consequences. Not only do I have to clear all the reports, I also had to clear the backlogs, sending out of gifts to the insurance agents. My HOD and supervisor felt that I had not done my best. They felt that I should have been more proactive and quickly came up with a solution. I was very depressed at that time. I asked why God was allowing this to happen. Then I shared this episode with one of my carecell members. She in turn shared this with my sectional leader in carecell. Then came a chance where we were able to meet together during the combined cell get-together. My cell member, Edeline, my sectional leader, Mandy and Pastor Pat then prayed for me, that God would give me strength and that my supervisor would be nicer in treating her subordinates. One comment made by Mandy suddenly hit me hard. She commented that maybe God wanted to move out of this situation and go to another place. But I had not moved. I thought about it that whole night. I prayed hard that God would show me the way. What should I do?
Then I was given a rude shock! During my yearly appraisal, my HOD told me that I would be assessed by two supervisors and himself. However, only my supervisor did an open appraisal with me. She told me that there was only one area which I was quite weak in, and that is my tactfullness in dealing with people. I agreed with her that I was quite untactful at times. Then when my HOD gave me the incremental letter this year, he told me that I was an irresponsible, no accountability, untactful subordinate, basically, everything negative about me. And because of that, I was not given any incremental for the hard work put in. I was totally shattered by his comments. Again, I asked God what should I do?
Then came the answer that I should leave that company. However, I did not manage to get any job interview despite several resumes being sent. So I began to doubt whether I should really leave that company. Maybe it was only my desire to get out of there but never God's. So I boldly told God to give me an idiot-proof signal to show me that it was His desire to move me out of there.
In the next few days, something happened. My two staff passes came off from the card holder twice when I was holding them on my hand. At first, when the passes came off the first time, I thought: 'Hey, it's really God asking me to leave. But is it that coincidence?' So I told God to show me another time to confirm that it was really His answer to me. Then the passes came off the second time and I knew that very instant that it was God wanting me to leave. So I spent the next few days asking God where He wanted me to go to as I sent resumes to many companies. Even though there were two interviews that I went after that, there were no second interview being offered. Then I saw in Jobstreet that Trinity Christian Centre (TCC) had a job vacancy as a ministry assistant. I immediately grabbed the opportunity. Working in this church has always been my dream, not because I am attending this church but rather I feel that God has something in store for me here. This is where I have grown spiritually.
One week passed since I sent in the resume to TCC. However, there was no reply. I asked God whether this is the ONE He wanted me to work in. The next day, I got a call from TCC for an interview! I was so happy when I heard the news. When I went to Trinity@Paya Lebar, I was actually very nervous. Pastor Danny explained to me the broad job scope and what was to be expected in a church environment. Then he asked me the reason why I wanted to leave that company after staying there for 12 years and 8 months. I told him the reason frankly. So he told me that the church would contact me again if I were selected.
One week passed again. Still no news of second interview. This one week was worse than the first. Unreasonable demands from my HOD and supervisor began pouring in and every day, I would be reprimanded by either my HOD or supervisor. I cried myself to sleep every night. I asked God why I had to go through this. What was His purpose? It was my desire to work in church, so what was holding Him back? Then came the call from TCC. I was asked to go for a second interview. This time, I had to take half-day leave as the interview was on a weekday. I went and answered the questions frankly to the interviewers. They told me that they would let me know within a week whether I would be selected. When I stepped out of the room, I was feeling demoralized. I felt that I did not do the interview well. I asked God how come after going through all the waiting, I just felt that I would not be given the opportunity to work in church. That day, I walked around like a zombie. I did not know what I had talked to my friend about. Every thing seemed to be very meaningless suddenly. During that night, I told God that if it was really His will for me to work in this church, let me be able to go through this period in the company and even when I might have to take a pay cut, I would be willing to follow Him.
On Saturday, 24 March 2007, I was woken up suddenly, not by any disturbances. When I woke up, there was a strange feeling. Then the phone rang and my mom picked up the call. Suddenly, she came running to wake me up, shouting that there was a call from TCC. I jumped out of bed to answer the call. Yes! I got the offer. I was so excited that I kept jumping with joy. Then I thought: 'Was I dreaming?' So I went to ask my mom to confirm that I did receive a call from TCC. She confirmed and I quickly typed my resignation letter.
On Monday, 26 March 2007, I handed in my resignation letter to my supervisor. She was shocked to hear that I wanted to resign. She asked me whether I had given a very careful thought and whether I had found a new job. I told her that I would be working in TCC and she told me that she would need to inform my HOD about this and let me know whether the resignation was approved.
Finally, my HOD called me to a meeting with him. The first words he said was, "All the best to your new job." Given the normal circumstances, I would have been quite sad to hear my HOD whom I serve for one and a half-years said this. However, at that point in time, I was too happy to care for anything. When news of my resignation reached my other colleagues, most were sad that I would be leaving whereas some felt that I was stupid to go to a job that paid lower. But one of my friends gave me encouragement by saying that as long as I felt happy, a lower pay would be nothing. Every thing would be settled by God.
The day before I was to report to the new job, I was so happy that I could not sleep. I kept tossing around and I could even hear my heartbeats so loudly. Finally, the day came. To my pleasant surprise, everyone in church is so nice, welcoming new staff into the family. Though I do not know most of the people there, but they still give me a helping hand so that I can easily blend in. Most importantly, everyone has a common objective: to serve God. He is the only employer that we work for.
I really thank God for His arrangement. Though at first I thought that God seemed far from me, He's actually walking with me all these while. He has not left me to do what I need to do. Rather He carries me in His shoulders and let me know that nothing is too difficult for Him. He wants me to listen to Him and put my trust in Him. Time and again, He tells me that if I have faith as small as a mustard seed, I can ask for a mountain to move and it will move. I do not have to doubt. Also, I need not fear of the future. Like what Pastor Jeffrey said during the staff devotion that fear only cripples us, making us lose sight of God. I thank God that He opens my eyes just in time to see His mercies and greatness upon my life. Though I may not know what holds tomorrow, but I know that He is still in control.
God, I hand my future to You. Do the work in me as I fulfill my destiny in You. In Jesus' name, Amen!
