Blue Sunday!

Today, another bad news hit me! This time, it was real hard.

First of all, I found that I was in deep financial difficulty. This difficulty was due to the fact that I had made wrong decisions by lending money to someone who told me that he could pay two months ago with interest. But in the end, he could not even pay for the phone bills under my line account. I feel very stupid. Why do I have to keep paying bills and loans for others Lord? Now, I am strapped financially. Please show me what I can do.

Then I received a text message this morning that one of the elderly beneficiaries had passed away. Last week, I thought of going to visit him. But when I heard that he was still in Kwong Wai Shiu hospital, recuperating. I thought that since he was recuperating there, maybe I should go to visit him another day. Bad decision. If I had called his sister last week, I would have find out that he was transfered to Tan Tock Seng Hospital under emergency treatment. Then I could have canceled my appointments and rush to see him. Even though I could not do much if I visited him, at least there was some emotional support to let him know that the battle was not alone. I really don't understand why God took him away. He was having tonsil cancel and the doctor had said that with chemotherapy, he would recover very fast. However, he had finished his treatment in early May. He was supposed to stay in Kwong Wai Shiu hospital for only one week after that. It was only in the early stage. How come God took him away? Is this a better solution?

Lord, there are questions in my mind right now that I don't understand. I wish that I can be more sensitive to Your spirit. When You says go, I should have followed. Lord, will I continue to be so laxed in handling the visitation that I will regret my decision later? Lord, why do I leave him alone when I have the chance to minister to him and his sister? Lord, please show me how I can handle such situation. Lord, tell me what to do? Why am I so softhearted when people tell me their problems and the first thing I know is to offer them help without having second thoughts? Why am I in desperate situation when You said that this year would be a year of prosperity? Why? Lord, please answer me and help me to understand in Jesus' name.

The more educated a person is, the more unreasonable he is!

Ya, that's is my topic for today. I have been keeping this for some time. It's time to burst it out.

Recently, I came across two extreme groups of people: uneducated and educated. To the educated, everything is a 'should be, must get' thing. To the uneducated, as long as it is reasonable and not over-board, it is 'ok, no problem'.

One incident occurred recently. I was asked to organize something not related to work or company. Well, to the uneducated, when I told them that the expenses would have to be borne by their own, they readily said, 'no problem'. To the educated, when I told them this, one of them exclaimed to my disbelief that it should be borne partly by our company. Hey, this is something personal, not a company function. Moreover, our company is a voluntary welfare organization. Each and every penny spent must be accountable for. Even in other companies, some spent must be justifiable. I really couldn't believe myself explaining to this person. What's worse is that this person kept insisting on the value of volunteers???!!!!???? To the other extreme, there is another group of educated people who do not have problem paying. In fact, one of them even offered to pay on behalf of my colleague and I. Of course, I rejected. Like I said, this is a personal gathering.

Then in another incident, one person who is educated and used to hold high position in certain company but now retired, insisted that things must be done the way he wants. What nonsense! Each person has his own way of doing things. By asking the person to follow strictly on your way of doing things is really asking the person to be a robot. For goodness' sake, why this person cannot think it this way?????

So my conclusion is: the more educated a person is, the more unreasonable he is. Of course not every one is like that. But the MAJORITY is lor, or at least the ones that I came across. It really gets on my nerves man. Thank God my friends are all seow people. If not, I die while being alive on earth.

How stupid can I be?

Yesterday, there was a big warning sms sent to me regarding someone who needed to borrow money from anyone he could find. At first, I thought it was an elderly beneficiary but then that person who sent the sms told me it was a volunteer.

After much thinking, I found out who that person who was borrowing from others. I had in fact lent him money last month, using cash advance. Yah, stupid right? I thought since he could do so well in his career, paying that sum of money should not be a problem. But that proved me wrong today.

I found out from some other people that this person had been borrowing money from several people and one of them happened to be someone I know. When it was time to repay the loan, the money never came. I became frightened. Somehow, there was a feeling that I would never be able to get back this amount and repay the advances. I shared this with my colleague. At first, she also wanted to help him out but somehow, something just stopped her. Thank God that she did not lend the money, else she may have cash flow problem for her wedding preparation.

Today, when I talked to one person, she told me that I should not have done so easily. The amount was quite huge and I would never be able to see that amount back from this person. I feel sad but since I have already given out the money, I have to treat this as a lesson learnt. Now, I just pray that this person will pay me the monthly subscription fee.

Lord, I pray that You will give me the money to pay off the debts I have created. I am too softhearted and easily believed in friends. Let me learn from this experience and not fall into this anymore. I pray for Your divine provision. I don't know how I am going to clear the debts, but I pray that You will let me win the RD's cash draw of $200,000 so that I can use this amount of money to pay off bro's debts, bills and my debts and bills. I pray that after clearing the debts, there will not be any more debts to pay. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

How safe is Singapore food now?

Recently, there have been news reports on food stalls and restaurants where people suffered diarrhoe after consuming the food there.

Well, I can't help but wonder what happened. First, let's see the food stalls in hawker centers. We have been brought up eating in hawker centers and find it such a bliss. But then came the news that there were people who died after eating the Geyland Serai Rojak. What's more shocking was that there were many rats found in that market. My goodness! When I read that there were 61 rats killed during the cleaning exercise the other day, one question popped up. Why? How come the place is so infested with rats? According to reports, the stall holders in the market had reported this before but nothing was done. Why is there a lapse? All fingers are pointing to the stall holders, urging them to clear and clean their stalls properly. But what about the company which was responsible to help the cleanliness in that area? Are they not to be blamed as well?

This brings me to another point. I find that Singapore is becoming quite dirty these days. It could be due to the fact that there are now more people living in Singapore now. But what makes me very sad to see is that rubbish/litters are not cleared on time or have been left for sometime. Well, in the area where I live, just at the bus stop alone, I can see litter being there for as long as I can remember. It seems to be that no one is cleaning that area at all. Maybe the company in charge of cleaning this estate only cleans the area that can be widely seen by all. But to those areas not so 'obvious', they may rather wait until something happens. Nowadays, my whole family is being visited by mosquitoes at different times of the day. This is worse at night. In fact, my sleep has been so disrupted that I wonder when this whole ordeal will end. I have tried to solve this problem by spraying infesticides but to no avail. Can something or someone do anything? I wonder. Before fingers are pointing at the people staying in Singapore, I think the company responsible for cleaning the area should do their part as well. Not all people throw litters on the floors that they step on. Some litters that are thrown into the rubbish bins are blown unto the floors by winds.

What seems more interesting is that since the report on the food poisioning, there may be more coming up to report that they have been having food poisioning after eating at certain food stalls or restaurants. Like the steamboat restaurant that was reported. I do not find this surprising though. You see, it is very easy to have stomach upset after eating steamboat. I remember once when I went to eat steamboat with my friends and one of them ate pig's intestines without fully cooking it. Guess what? Within minutes, he had to go to toilet to wash up the food that he had consumed. So cook fully before you eat.

What is written here is purely my opinion and observation. No one may agree with me. But I sure hope that Singapore can be a clean place to live in once again, both in food hygiene and its environment.

Movie: Knowing

Today, I went to watch the movie 'Knowing' and I am filled with many emotions.

This movie was about this guy, his son and a note which his son got from his school. During the 1959, the school 'William Davies Elementary School' wanted to celebrate the opening of this school by asking the students to draw what the future would be like. One girl, Lucinda, was the only one who did not draw anything. However, she wrote many numbers. The drawings were then put into a time capsule box and put into a hole underground. 50 years later, this capsule was taken out. Each student were then given an envelope inside the capsule. The guy's son happened to take Lucinda's list of numbers. At first, the guy took no notice of it. But then one night as he stared into the numbers, something striked him. He checked the internet and found that the numbers stated in Lucinda's list consisted of date, month, year and number of casualties. He told his colleague and friend but he was given a fallen ear.

Then one day, something happened; something in the list of numbers occurred right before the guy's eyes, something that he was very frightened of. An aircraft with passengers in it crashed. People were running out of the plane. There were explosions and people were burnt. Then another incident happened at the junction of two roads. A rail track was faulty, causing the train to collide with another train waiting to fetch passengers. Many people were either killed or injuried. The guy was terrified at what he saw. At the end, he realized that the last and final disaster would be related to the sun rays. It showed that the sun rays would kill everyone on earth. Only those who were selected would be spared from this disaster.

As I viewed the images of the incident of the aircraft, I had a very uneasy feeling. People who managed to run out the plane thought that they were saved. However, there was an explosion, causing the debris to fly and burnt the survivors. Those who thought they were saved were now dead. Then when the screen on the rail track appeared, the feeling went strongly. Disasters happen in a second and most of the time, we do not have the time to react. What will it be like during the end times for those who do not know God? They will not have the time to react and say the sinner's prayers. Why do they resist God when they have the time to? I feel sad for them but like the guy in the movie, there is nothing I can do to help. After asking them to come to church and know God, they often reject me. What they don't realize is that they are not rejecting me, they are rejecting God. When I see the scene where many people were being injuried and killed in the track, I ask myself seriously, 'Will this happen during the end times?'

Lord, I don't know what the future holds. I don't know how many of my oikos will be saved when they have the time to. I pray for Your angels to guide them. Lead them nearer to You. Let them know that You are real. I pray that they will be sober when You come again. Lord, I pray that though there are many disasters in this earth, let Your comfort be our comfort. Also, I pray that we, Your people, will not be distracted by these disasters. Let Your sovereignty reigns, Lord. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

God, please grant me patience!

These few days, I have been in situations that really required me to be very patient.

Just last week, when I was talking to one of my colleagues and wanting to clarify certain things from her, she did not give me an answer or direction. Instead, she answered a question with a question. I got a bit irritated and told her that I had no idea of the things that was why I was asking her that question. Then, I reckoned that she could have reiterated when I did something to her earlier. You see, what happened was when all staff were busy packing the things for the Saturday project, there she was slowly doing other things, not related to this project. When she asked me for an extension number of a staff, I jokingly told her that I was busy. She got offended. Then when all staff had finished packing the things for the project and were ready to load the things in the vans, she was the only one without the necessary things and even told our team to wait first. When she finally finished, she just told us to seal the box and moved to the vans. It was like it was only right for us to seal the box for her since we were in charge of this, instead of her lending a hand doing it since she delayed the process.

Then on the actual day of the project, things were a bit messy when some of the people in charge were late. So our team put the things where we thought could have been the place. Sure enough, things got messed up and we had to re-do again. Sigh!

Sometimes, I feel that it really takes a lot of effort to get everyone on the ball in this place. Some will draw their lines of duties so clearly that they will not lift a finger to help others. Yet others will unsacrificially help others when they see a need to. What a contrast! I feel very frustrated and sad when I see the first group of people. Come on, we are a team. What a team means is to be in the same boat. Whatever one part of the team does will affect the others. So why not help one part of the team to function well so that the whole team will reflect good? Even though this is practised verbally by many, so few of them have actually do it in actions. What a sad story!

I really don't know how long I can tolerate such behaviours and attitudes. God, please grant me patience to be able to do that and to have a bigger heart to accommodate such people in my midst. Also, I pray that the approval for the outing expenses will be approved by the top this week so that I can plan the route. In Jesus' most precious name I pray, Amen!

Stupid to advocate dialects???

I need to get this out soon before I burst into anger more. I read with disbelief on the forum page what someone of high position in the government's office wrote. 'It is stupid to advocate dialects' and even quoted MM Lee Kuen Yew as an example where he stopped using dialects for his National Day speech. My goodness!!!!! Dialects is our roots as a Chinese. Why disown our own roots? I remember in one of the preaching sermon by one overseas pastor who said that if we disowned our own roots, we would lose ourselves and became poor. What has this person do? What is this person trying to advocate? Why view dialects as a 'low-class' language?

In the social service sector, I find that many young people do not know how to speak dialects. Their main languages are English and Mandarin. However, there are still a majority of the elderly that we serve in the community who only understand dialects. Are we to ignore them in order to advance into a better society? I agree with one of the readers in today's forum that many young people do not know their own dialects, thereby causing a communication breakdown between the young and the old. If we are to continue ignoring the learning of dialects, we are telling the whole world that we are not only ignoring our roots but also our elderly who need our help so much.

Compared to the past, nowadays so many people do not know their dialects, causing the elderly to have problems communicating to the doctors, nurses, government agencies. When I bring my grandmother and some elderly for their medical appointments, it is so disappointing to find a Chinese who does not know any dialects. It is like a chicken and duck talking to each other. This causes much frustrations and confusions to the elderly. Like one of the elderly who has to undergo chemotherapy in a hospital, he is so frustrated whenever he has to face a doctor who does not know his dialect, Cantonese. He does not understand what the doctor says and the doctor does not understand what he says. Even if the nurse around, it does not make any difference because the nurse is a foreigner.

I definitely think that it is good to educate and advocate the young to speak dialects. If we don't advocate the young in learning dialects, we not only lose our roots but ourselves. In the route of advancement, we must NEVER forget that it is through our dialects, we find ourselves. Let those who find it stupid re-think their decisions and their positions in life. Are they able to communicate with the elderly and know their needs better? OR are they advocating that the elderly are useless and wasting the nation's resources?

Spiritual Warfares

In the past week, there have been news on 3 men who were actively playing violent games. Some readers felt that by playing violent games, it would not make a person violent. Well, I like to somewhat agree to that but at the same time feel that these kind of games expose one to something more scary.

Many people may have heard of games like World of Warcraft, Dungeons and Dragons and feel that these games are just games. They do not make a person violent or agressive. However, these games open oneself to spiritual forces too great for them to bear. I remember seeing one documentary on these games and there are people being interviewed. These people are either the players themselves or their relatives. At first, they are like many people who feel that these are just games, nothing much. Nothing to worry about. However, as they proceed to higher levels in the games, they find themselves unable to control their minds. They tend to see things and some of them even committed suicide because of the things that are controlling their minds. It becomes so scary that some of the relatives interviewed say that they are losing their loved ones. If these games are just games, why are people so scared? Why are they so stupid as committing suicide?

I believe that games are good. They give the creators of such games a platform to express their creativity. However, when it is being misused, it can invite many evil things to happen. Just like God gives us the option of choice. We can choose to do good or to do evil. It's our freedom. However, once we misuse those freedom, we have to take responsiblity. No one can help us. We must face the music on our own. I just pray that those who think that these games are just games will re-think whether there are evil forces working in those games that can entice them to do evil. Satan is not stupid. For him to work into our lives are very simple. He just have to make use of our minds and do a little trick, and there, we will lose ourselves. That is why it is so important to fill our minds with God-given things and spiritual verses. Lord, please help those who are obsessed with violent games thinking that they are just games. I pray for spiritual awakening and spiritual revival to happen. Let them see what You see. Help them to get out of the situations. Let those who are contemplating these games, drop off those thoughts. Let them never play these games. In Jesus' name I commit them to, Amen.

Things more stable. Thank God!

It's been sometime since I wrote in my blog. Well, things had happened and I really needed time to think through what I needed to do.

What happened was I found myself having difficulty to work with my colleague. Sometimes, I would find that she did not inform me things and when problems or issues arose, she would ask me how come I never informed her. It was tough at that time. Besides, I was so free every day that I did not new what I did. I really thought of resigning. But then, I know that I would not be able to find another job that I enjoy as much as I do now. So I shared with my closed friends. One of the more stabled ones told me about an article she read. The writer was a foreigner and he noted that Singaporeans did not inform their bosses of how they felt about certain situations and resigned from the jobs. It was noted that such actions were unfair to them. So she told me to let my boss know what was going on. But I must be very objective rather than pin-pointing my colleague.

So I did and I never regreted it. I told my boss that I felt my colleague and I had very different working styles. Hers was a slow and cautious while mine was do it fast and move on. So my boss arranged a meeting for both of us; firstly to let us know precisely our roles so that there would be a clear role definition, and secondly to iron out any grievances. The meeting went well. We both felt better after the meeting. Besides, now at least in what we do, we can joke and tease each other because of our understanding of each other's working styles.

I must say that if I bottle up the frustation, I will be the one in the losing end. Thank God for showing me the way through my friends. I pray that God, You will continue to send more elderly willing to accept You as their Lord and Personal Savior. For those who have already accepted You, I pray that they will be willing to obey You by going through water baptism, just like uncle Boey Yin Meng, uncle Fong Fook Seng and auntie Lie Bie Kee. Also, I pray that uncle Tan Thian Her will do the crafts given to him properly and not rush into it. For auntie Hoe Kim Kee, I pray that I will be able to think of some crafts which she is able to engage in due to her poor eye sight. In Jesus' name I commit these elderly to You, Amen.

A time to reflect

Last Saturday, I had a good gathering with my friends. Some of them I have not seen for months since the last gathering that we had.

Somehow, seeing them makes me reflect on many things. How we met, how we struggled to keep our friendships together despite the odds, how we struggled in our work, how we rubbed each other's shoulders at times, etc. No matter what happened to anyone of us, we always try to carry each other' burdens. However, there may be some who expect others to carry their burden but refuse to carry other people's burden. Sad but simple fact!

Sometimes, I think if I will to stay in AIA now, how will I survive? How will my life be different now? Similarly, if I will to stay in TCC, how will my life be now? What kind of tasks will I be exposed to now? Then moving to CCSS, should I continue to work in here? Where's the zeal that I had when I first stepped into CCSS? Why am I so dried up now? How come I don't know what to do at work now? Is it something wrong with me or am I expecting too much?

Lord, please show me the way, the clear specific direction that You want me to go. I pray that You will grant me the wisdom of words to speak to HJ tomorrow by creating a good environment for us to talk and for me to pour out what is in my mind without pointing finger at anyone. I pray that if this talk fails, then show me what You want me to do. Give me money to pay off bills, debts, expenses and still have money to save for rainy days. Let all that I do be a stepping stone to where You want me to be ultimately. Help me to overcome obstacles and difficult people. Help me to see what You see. Lord, I need You to go through this life. PLEASE, LORD, HELP ME. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Feelings of sadness and worries!

Today, I was quite chippy and happy at first. But then in the afternoon, suddenly the mood changed. I don't know why.

This morning, I got a call from my cell leader's friend who was also an eye specialist. He had gotten my handphone number from the cell leader and came to know about my eye condition. So he was willing to let me see him earlier than my supposed appointment date in SNEC. Thank God! Else, I don't know what I am applying to my eyes and whether it will cause any problem if I am not a glaucoma patient. I smsed my cell leader to inform him of this status and requested that the cell members to pray for me.

Then when I was having my lunch, suddenly, I felt a little pain on my left eyes. I tried to use my left eye to focus on things and the pain was there more often. During my part time job meeting, suddenly, my vision went blur. I was feeling irritated by that. I don't know what is wrong. Lord, what happened? You said through Pastor Dom that this year would be a year of prosperity. I claimed on that, but from the beginning of this year, all I received were bad news. My bills went up, I had zero amount in my bank account, I had not have any closed cases in refinancing, I had no leads for property sales, my eyes' condition seemed to be getting worse. What's wrong Lord??? Am I meant to be in debts till the day I die? Am I meant to have lost my vision? Lord, what is going on? Please tell me. I am feeling terrible inside and there is no one whom I can share this with. Lord, please help me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Where should I turn Lord - Part 2

Yesterday, during my meeting with my boss, she suddenly told me that she found it a surprise that I could stand on stage during the Christmas Combined Celebration and Ra-Ra the elderly in the activities. She thought that I was the quiet, shy type as that was the 'me' she saw when I was in the office.

Then during lunch, she announced it to my other colleagues who were sitting in the same table as us. When she mentioned that, I kinda felt embarrassed. Frankly speaking, it is really by God's grace that I am able to stand in front of 50 over elderly each week twice and saying something in front of them. If I were to do that a few years back, I don't think I have the ability and courage to do. Thank God for Your provision.

And that brought me to think through whether I should venture full-time into property. Well, a few days ago, my friend had joined the property industry as a full-time property consultant. I actually encouarged her to do so as I find that this industry is something worth venturing into. Then her manager who is also my friend, asked me whether I had the intention to join full time. Being a part-time property consultant is alright for me, but venturing into full time, well? A lot at stake! First of all, the thing that I am constantly worried about was my family and my financial situation. Going into full-time property consultant means that I may not get money every month, unless this is something which God wants me to do. I still remember what Pastor Beatrice told me when I resigned from Trinity Christian Centre. 'Go to a new place because God is asking you to go there and His presence is going with you. Don't do it because of someone else.'

So Lord, should I venture into full-time there or here? Where to head to Lord? I need You to guide me and teach me Your ways. I have wasted some of the time doing my own things before. I don't want to do that anymore. Teach me what to do. Show me the clear specific direction. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Where should I turn Lord?

I have thinking about my tasks in life and what I have gone through and what I will be going through since the beginning of December.

Life has been great by God's grace. I was able to face an audience without trembling or having butterflies in my stomach. I was even able to come up with programs to excite the elderly and conquer the fear of doing crafts. In fact, it is very encouraging when the elderly see the final product that they make and exclaim what a beautiful thing they have done.

Apart from this, finances seem to be on the downturn. Every though I try to handle and plan the finances to be spent in the most correct possible way I can think of, I still owe much money. My credit bills keep increasing and I am unable to pay them. What's worse is that I have taken another credit advance for payment of another credit card bill.

In the midst of all these, I went to work part time as property agent. I begin calling clients who may be interested in refinancing their loans since this is the hot topic now. At first, it was met with much disappointment. But I managed to put through. Today is already the third day. I believe I can convince some owners to consider this scheme and agree to meet bankers and close the deal. I AM DESPARATE FOR MONEY! Iwant to earn money in the legal way. There is a lot of hard work but I am willing to do the extra.

However, the next question that comes is whether I should do full time instead of just part time. Though now I have not earned my first pay cheque there, I believe that by this month, I will be able to get some money through this scheme. Lord, I really need Your help. PLEASE GIVE ME $3,000 TO PAY MY LOANS, BILLS, DEBTS, EXPENSES AND STILL HAVE MONEY TO SAVE FOR RAINY DAYS BY THIS MONTH. I boldly ask this in Jesus' name. With my own strength, a lot of things cannot be done. But with Your help, I believe I can do much more. Please show me whether I should go full time to this area. Lord, I want to hear Your voice in this. Let me know the direction I should go.

I commit all these to You in Jesus' name, Amen.

What a frustrated day!

Today is really a very frustrated day for me.

First, I got a call from a vendor to ask me to collect the items which they intended to give to us on my own. I was not told in the first place or else I would have taken another different route to collect the things first. Besides, I need to quickly rush to work to do shifting, moving and carrying of things.

Secondly, I got a rude shock when I went to work this morning. Things were messed up and I was not informed. What's worse was that I was alone doing all the carrying, moving and shifting. Thank God for some sisters who helped me to shift the things, or else I would have delayed their programmes.

Then, when I was distributing the things, I realized that there were duplications. When I called someone to verify, I was shocked to know that this person knew about this but did not bother to inform me either via sms or email.

Sigh! Sometimes, I really think that I was taken for a ride in work. That places me in a difficult light when I want to change something or implement something. I feel like a redundant person where I am just following someone else wishes to do things than what I really want to do. That's why when my friend asks me to do certain things, I hesitate for quite a while. While yesterday, I can sense that he may be angry that I keep asking him to repeat what he says. But I really cannot hear what he says. Whatever it is, I feel very trapped.

Why do I have to be in this cross-road again Lord? What is the thing You want to do in me? What do You want me to learn from this? How can I see You working in my life now? Lord, I am in distress. I need Your guidance. Teach me Your ways Lord. PLEASE!

Mixed feelings!

Nowadays, I am really feeling very vexed and at the same time, I am reviewing what I am supposed to do.

At my full time workplace, I find myself having to do so many tasks while my other colleague is only suggesting things. I feel very drained. I want to visit more elderly to get to know them better but in Macpherson area, I have to find a volunteer to go with me. Usually, this volunteer can only make it after 4pm. By the time he arrives, we can only visit one elderly and that's it. In the other centre, I am able to combine the efforts of 2 volunteers who are able to go with me for visitation whenever they are free. But I feel that they are being taken for granted by my colleague, just like she takes advantage of the driver volunteers. Certain things which can be done earlier have been pushed to the last minute and that's when she will start arrowing people to do. Sometimes, she will just order people to do things instead of asking. Well, these few days she arrows me to do certain things and in the end, she suggests postponing some things to next year due to Chinese New Year. I feel very tired to do things so last minute. I share these experiences with my elder brother and he suggests that I speak to her with my new superior. But I know my character too well. If I will to speak up, it will be too direct. Afterall, I am a thinker, not a feeler!

Just when I am thinking about my whole episode in this company, my friend who introduces me to be part-time property agent called me and told me about the new things that were coming up in the company. After hearing from him, I really want to jump at the suggestions and start doing what he suggests. At least that will give me the opportunity to know whether I am cut to do property or not! If God wills, I really hope that I can do some sales. It is very tiring to do paper work and be stuck in the office all day long. I want to meet people, to apply what I have learnt in Psychology and see how I can motivate and perceive people.

Lord, should I just jump the wagon now? I know this is too soon. I have made a hoo-haa when I decided to come back here to work. Now, leaving will really mean leaving, no turning back this time. I pray for Your guidance Lord. I need You to tell me what to do. I want to earn more money to alleviate my family's financial situation but with my current pay, I can only default payment, something which I have not done before. Weighing the pros and cons of staying, I seem to have left with more cons than pros. Lord, what should I do? Please teach me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

My first enjoyable experience with a child

This week has been a very busy week. Not only do we have Christmas celebrations in Leng Kee CC, we also had our combined Christmas celebrations at Macpherson. In both celebrations, the children were so adorable and obedient. Of course there were the few 'black sheeps', but the overall experience were good.

Yesterday, our little volunteer also came to help us. In fact, she helped us for these two Christmas celebrations. She is none other than one of our volunteers' daughter, Chiara. When I first met her, she was very quiet. Till today, she is but at least she opened herself yesterday.

After helping out at the Christmas celebration, I brought her to Orchard Road. I was very surprised to see how happy a child was in going out to the street. In fact, when I told her that I would be bringing her to Orchard Road, she did not believe. But after she confirmed it with her father, she was so happy that she played around the Christmas decoration. Then I brought her to my eye specialist appointment. There, she opened herself more. She told me that her father used to cane her but now, the occurence was much lesser except when she had done something wrong. When I told her that I would be bringing her to see movie, eat dinner and then shopping around, she looked at me in disbelief. Only when she called her father did she believe me. When her father agreed, her eyes lightened up so much that it seemed like she had not gone to see a movie for a long, long time. When I asked her, I was shocked to learn that I was right. A child her age should be given much more. But due to the working standards of her parents, she was often left alone at home with her two younger brothers and maid. During her free time, she will read or play games herself. Sometimes, her brothers will play with her. But most of the time, she is alone, doing her things.

Yesterday, I managed to get to know this little girl better. She is not only a very obedient child but I notice that when she is in a new environment, she seems very anxious that she keeps rubbing her hands. Also, she is like me in a way; her hands will be very cold the minute she goes into an air-con room. At the very mention of her father, she seems to be very afraid. All she does, she must get her father's approval. The way she talks, it seems that she does not seem confident enough. May God be with this child that she will overcome her social anxiety. Lord, guide her heart towards You daily. Help her to see Your plans in her life. I pray for protection and peace to be with her. When she is in a new environment, I pray that You will guide her and let her not be anxious or scared. I pray for Your guidance to be on her. Within my means, I pray that I will be able to bring her out more often so that she can be exposed to more things around her.

May You be with her. I commit her in Jesus' name, Amen!

My crafts

When I was looking through my things, I suddenly realized how many crafts that I had done. Well, I had done cross stitching so much that I was left with so many. I am thinking of giving them away as Christmas gifts, but not sure whether anyone will appreciate it or will criticise it because of my shobby works. So before I do so, here are some of the finished works. Some of the works are not done properly because I was learning then. But as I get to do more, the skills improve. And I am proud to say that I manage to teach the elderly to do cross stitch. Can't wait to see their end products.

Then I move on crochet. To tell you the truth, doing crochet was alot more difficult than I think. As I have not been doing crochet for a while, I find that I cannot remember how to do some simple steps. When I decided to teach the elderly on crochet, I suddenly could not remember how to do a simple worm bookmark. So I quickly searched through the internet. Thank God for the information on the internet. Not only did I find the correct way of doing it, I also found how to end the crochet neatly and was able to show with the elderly.

My latest craft that I did was to do a simple box using plastic canvas. Actually, I just did it today and managed to finish it. Though this is my first try in doing this, I think the end product looks alright to me. I hope that I can teach the elderly to do this so that if they are able to finish this product, then I can teach them to do a bag. High ambitions! God, please give me more brain juices and creativity and help me to find cheap materials.

Feeling helpless!

This evening, I suddenly felt very helpless. I have only 2 weeks left to handle the items to be purchased for the Combined Christmas celebration. Yet, it seemed that everything seemed to be on the stand. I need volunteers but so far only 4 volunteers can confirm their availability. I need money to purchase the items for this event, but I am cash-tight. I really don't know what to do.

I remember what Pastor Wilson shared this morning. In times of doing things, especially during difficult moments at work, do we see Jesus in there? Lord, I need thee to guide me how to handle this event. I need thee to teach me how to prioritise my work and my finances. I need thee every moment to guide me and lead me in the right direction. Teach me Your ways Lord. Let me be a blessing to the people around me. Let me not burst my anger when things don't go my way. But grant me the serenity and guidance and wisdom. In Jesus' name, Amen.

My first Singapore Flyer Outing

On Thursday, our elderly in LKCC finally went to Singapore Flyer. It was supposed to be a happy outing until something unpleasant happened.

Well, what happened was the driver who was picking us at LKCC was very unco-operative. When I met him to let him know that the elderly would be alighting the bus soon, he said in a very rude tone to quicken the pace as the place had a very narrow 2-way road. Then when all the elderly and volunteers went to the bus, he commented that there were so many people, if anything happened, insurance could not pay etc... While he was grumbling at us, we were discussing on whether our driver volunteer should drive some elderly instead. Finally, we decided to and I checked with my colleague about this. While she was choosing the elderly, the driver kept looking very impatiently. Then after the selected elderly had gone to the van to sit, my colleague was still doing a count. This was when the driver kept chasing us to be fast. Not only that, my colleague did not inform one of the group leader that there was a replacement. So, there were some confusion going. Finally, the situation got into me and I asked my colleague whether she would be taking the bus or the van and I kept chasing her to get on the bus after that. This was the first horrible thing that happened.

When we reached SF, another horrible thing happened. This had never happened in any of the outings I had with the elderly. There were some elderly still in the bus, waiting to be alighted and one elderly was just about to alight to the pavement when the driver suddenly drove. We shouted for him to stop and some of the volunteers who were in front overheard him saying that we were so slow. What did he expect? Elderly leh, not normal young gals. Thank God no one was injuried.

The third horrible thing that happened was when we were counting the group members, suddenly one volunteer told us that she had not registered or paid for this trip. I was so shocked how she could manage to join us in this trip when all moved according to their groups allocated. Thank God there were some elderly who did not turn up or else I would have to ask her to take taxi to go home.

Though there were hiccups in this trip, I was glad to hear that the elderly enjoyed it. I actually felt quite bad when I thought of how I mishandled the situation when the first horrible thing happened early in the morning. I let the situation control me instead of the other way round.

God, please help me to change. Don't let me be controlled by the situation around me anymore but let me learn to control the situation. I pray for Your strength and wisdom to be mine during such times. Let me know how to handle this kind of situation in the future. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Personal glory vs God's glory

This weekend, I have been thinking through what one of mentors had told me regarding one of our gathering. Whatever we do, we must do it for God's glory. However, some people had been doing things to glorify themselves. For example, some people give money to charitable organizations so that they can show to the world that they are being kind to the underprivileged. Some give money to their spouses so that they can look good in front of their congregation. What a pity! Are looks more precious than our hearts?

God looks into our hearts. Nothing can escape from Him. At times, I tried to bargain with God. But I know that I lose. Nothing can hide from Him. I can deceive the whole world but not Him. When other people criticize us that we do not give to the church or the underprivileged, God knows our exact situation. He does not judge us like what the world judges us. If we give and do things to take note of what others are looking at us, we are a loser. And a terrible one.

As I remembered the scene about Money No Enough 2 where the mother was pulling through, the daughter-in-law and the sons were tugging the bag of blood meant for the mother. What is important in one person's eyes may be secondary to another person's eyes. When we are at our desperate ends, do you think God looks at our giving more than our hearts? Doing things that others will approve of us is more important or doing God's work is more important? I believe with all my heart that God looks more at our hearts. No matter what we have done wrongly previously, He still loves us and He understands what we go through. In God have I put my trust, I will not be afraid. To God be the Glory!